Weekly Writing Class Writing Prompt
What parts have you silenced or ignored about yourself? Do you know what you want, think, feel, need and dream?
This piece is from my weekly writing class.
The prompt: What parts have you silenced or ignored about yourself? Do you know what you want, think, feel, need and dream?
The girl who frolics hasn’t frolicked in a while. She hasn’t booked a flight and explored the Garden of the Sleeping Giant – filling her soul with new lands, languages, and foods. She hasn’t been to sit in the river, nor has she been soothed by the rushing waters of the waterfalls. This wild, free girl has been chained to the trunks of the same trees she wishes to climb, called ‘selfish’ for wanting to leave her home and explore this planet – all the while having the key to unlock herself and roam free. I’ve silenced the bold, rebellious parts of me that have always sparkled and led me to beautiful places. Selfish, selfish, selfish – words meant to judge, condemn, and keep one with the crowd and no further than. Selfish – a part of me I don’t think I’ve ever fully embraced until now. A woman designed to savor life, to receive, to show it can be done – this living and thriving despite things. I’ve worn the ‘martyr’ banner – the selfless, sacrificial lamb. But what about me? The wild, untamed parts of me have been silenced. Ambushed decades ago but always screaming from within to be acknowledged, heard, embraced, and accepted. Coming home to myself is no easy feat when I don’t know what home looks like. Never had a steady thing that wasn’t constantly moving around, being snatched away, or shifted abruptly. I know what I hope and dream and feel. But do I live it? Am I my ancestors’ wildest dreams? Am I my own? I dream of peace in my heart, window seats on plane rides to different cultures, and the integration of my light and dark without labeling the latter as wrong.
I dream of freedom and liberation. I feel – everything… and nothing, sometimes. I think – too much about too much. I want – my life back and to show myself and others that rest, calm, ease, and joy are possible – birthrights, even. I want to save the world, but right now, the world is me. I need – to just be, to breathe and not do, to sit still, to fall back into the arms of God and rest there, whole and still. I need – to show my son what his mother looks like when she loves herself just as much as she loves him. I’ve ignored and silenced my heart, closed it off after far too many heartaches, heartbreaks, letdowns, and betrayals. But even during those encounters, the common denominator was silencing and ignoring me – what I needed, what I craved, my own truths and beliefs. I need and want to listen to my instincts and intuition above all. This life – this all-over-the-place life – is mine. I need and want and dream of igniting that wild, free, bold, rebellious, passionate, dope, creative, word-weaving, world-building, sensational fire that has lain dormant within me long enough.
I want and need and dream of and feel like – living.
-B